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A post shared by Sue Kreitzman (@suekreitzman) on Oct 12, 2018 at 10:58am PDT

This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...

Meeting artist and writer Sue Kreitzman is one of the most joyful things you can do in life. Not only is her outfit guaranteed to be a riotous visual treat but her energy and lust for life is infectious. At 78 she’s busier than ever, curating exhibitions, making new pieces of art, and writing and designing her own iconic outfits. However, her life hasn’t always been this way.

Originally from New York, Sue lived in Atlanta, Georgia for 18 years before moving to London with her husband Steve and son Shawm. After years of teaching fourth grade, working as a chef, writing endless food articles and 27 cookery books, Sue was in her 50s when she experienced something close to a divine intervention. As she describes it: "Something switched. It was the menopause, a psychotic breakdown, or the muse literally bit me in the bum. I picked up a marker, drew a mermaid and from that point on I was an artist." From that unexpected pivot she has dedicated her life to creating and collecting art. Rather than furnishing her house in polite neutral tones, she has painted each room red and turned it into her own personal gallery showcasing her sculptures, paintings and personal art collection.

There’s a sign in Sue’s kitchen that reads: "Don’t wear beige, it could kill you." That one sign perfectly encapsulates Sue, her house and her outlook on life. Why wear beige when you can wear something bright and fun? Why be boring and stay in when you could go on a colour walk with your friends and brighten up the day of everyone you meet? Why obsess over staying young when you could grow old fabulously? Sue shares her wisdom with us on all of this and much more.

When you get up in the morning, how do you decide which fabulous outfit to put on? Is it your mood or where you're going?

Getting dressed in the morning is pure joy because it's colour, it's pattern, it really starts the day right. I remember where I got every piece of fabric, everything that's on each neck shrine I make and wear. I have very happy memories attached to everything I wear because I don’t shop in Bloomingdale's, I don't shop at Harrods, I don't do department stores. I buy right from the artist or I buy at small markets. The guy who does my stitching is just one little guy all by himself around the corner. This is the way I live and it gives me great pleasure in the morning to put those beliefs on my body. It's fabulous.

You’ve had many different careers in your life – you were a teacher, a chef, a food writer and you came to your art in your late 50s. People feel a lot of pressure now to have their career mapped out and to have made a name for themselves by the time they’re 25. What do you think about that?

I think it's ridiculous because life doesn't go that way. People say, "I have a five-year plan/I have a 10-year plan." Why? It's like putting yourself in prison. Life goes in very funny directions and you have to follow along with it. When I had my baby I thought I’d be going back into teaching but I met someone at a party who worked in publishing and loved my cooking, which led to a three-book deal. It’s not something I planned. I then ended up in London because my husband Steve got a call from Cambridge University about taking a job over here and it all just went crazy.

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On my way #oldspitalfieldsmarket @sw_antique_markets #suekreitzmanworld #birthdaycolourwalk #liveincolour

A post shared by Sue Kreitzman (@suekreitzman) on Oct 25, 2018 at 3:24am PDT

Do you think you can miss opportunities if you're too blinkered and you're too focused on a specific plan?

Yes. People are so stressed these days. You have to loosen up a little bit because sometimes a window that you didn't even know was there opens a little bit and you never know what's on the other side.

Where do you think that pressure comes from?

Well, people are desperate for security which, these days, is hard to come by. It used to be that if you had a job it could be a job for life. That's not true anymore. So, things change and you have to change with it.

You’ve been married to your husband Steve for over 50 years. What do you think makes a successful marriage or partnership?

Mutual respect and mutual affection. Things go wrong and there are aggravating times but you have to look at the bigger picture and not go around storming out and slamming the door after every disagreement. Hold on for a while, take a breath because you've invested so much in it. You have to realise that all the lovey-dovey true love is fun at the beginning, then something else develops – a deep affection, a deep respect and you share responsibilities. That's the most important thing, you share responsibilities for each other’s lives.

Do you think that side of love and relationships isn't talked enough about, meaning our expectations are very high when it comes to everlasting romance and sex?

Yes. It's not all about romance and sex. Believe me, that doesn't last. You’ve got to find a way to keep each other happy. You have to make sure it’s not just one-sided. You have to work out how to share your life together. Share the childcare, share the responsibility of earning money and understand that there will be lows and to ride them out with the highs.

You’ve got a great set-up between you and your husband. You’re together but he lives in Cambridge where he works and you live here in Bow, London. How does it work?

It's perfect. He is very obsessed with what he does and I am obsessed with what I do so this way we don't get in each other's hair. He doesn’t expect me to have dinner on the table for him every night and just stop whatever I'm doing because he’s home. He calls me every morning at eight o'clock and says, "Are you alive, can you move?"

That’s romance. It’s great, it must keep things fresh and interesting between you?

It does rekindle that little bit of romance because I get to miss him. I do talk to him on the phone several times a day but it's not the same so when we are together it's very nice. We spend weekends together and we have our holidays together. It wouldn’t work for everybody though, you have to find your own path.

How did motherhood change you?

First of all, I always loved kids so it was pure joy when I had my son Shawm. It's like having a tourist to the world, they know nothing so it's your job to teach them wonderful things. Teach them about the world around you and then eventually they will end up teaching you.

Another thing I say to young mothers is "This too will pass" and it will pass much quicker than you think. It might seem really hard right now but it's going to be over so quickly and then they're in school and then they're at university or working and you'll think back on those early years and how they went in a flash.

There's such an obsession with youth and staying young. What do you think about all of that?

I think you really have to embrace age. My mother died when she was in her very early 50s so I always think every day, every month, every year is a gift. Getting old is a privilege and an adventure and if you turn your back on that you're crazy. You're absolutely crazy.

What about trying to fight the ageing process and wanting to carry on looking young?

Putting yourself under the knife for cosmetic purposes is crazy and it's so obviously artificial. Your character is in your face, age is just as beautiful as youth, it's just different. You can't hold on to your youth or you end up looking like a fool and there are more things to think about. Keep your mind going if you possibly can. Stay active. I just don't get it, I really don't get it.

How do you think we can cultivate a better relationship with ourselves as we get older?

That's a hard question because some people will never be happy with themselves. The media is so concentrated on making women unhappy with themselves. We’re fed messages: "You're too fat. You're too thin. You're too hairy." They come up with something new and crazy and suddenly it becomes the norm, like bleaching your anus – that’s a thing that people do now.

I know, it’s pretty extreme!

Or you have to have plastic surgery on your vagina. You have to learn to ignore that. Don't let the media and popular opinion boss you around. Do what you think is right for you. Shave the bits you want to shave and leave the rest. Be a thinking, intelligent person. I sometimes think intelligence is vanishing from this world, I really do.

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On my way #fleamarketday #suekreitzmanworld #londonlife #blue #arttowear #liveincolour

A post shared by Sue Kreitzman (@suekreitzman) on Oct 11, 2018 at 4:28am PDT

What is it that you love about getting older?

Things bother me less. I've never really been concerned about what people think, but I care even less so now. I like the way I look. It's interesting, it's me but a slightly different me. I think I was very lucky with my hair.

You've got great hair.

Yes, it's fantastic hair isn’t it?

How do you feel about your own ageing process?

I look in the mirror and I see an ageing old friend, which is fine. I think I'm ageing okay, I'm not too upset about it. Now we have lots of older role models, I try very hard to be an older role model. There are the idiosyncratic fashionistas in New York who are really good friends of mine. Ari Seth Cohen has put us in the zeitgeist with his Advanced Style blog and he has made everybody aware of how really beautiful old people are. We are. We're different but we're beautiful. I mean, look at Iris Apfel. She’s an old lady – a symphony of wrinkles – but she's gorgeous and everybody adores her. We have to look up to these icons who are teaching us how to live.

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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...

I was my daughter’s plus one at a posh do at London's Savoy hotel when she was nominated for the Evening Standard 's most promising new playwright award in 2010. I still smoked in those days, mostly OPs (Other People’s cigarettes), so I snuck out with another young promising playwright at our table who had a packet of cigarettes on her.

In the small group of smokers that congregated outside, Benedict Cumberbatch, a friend of the promising playwright, appeared to be the only one in possession of a light. About six of us, poised with our cigarettes stylishly hovering by our mouths, waited our turn.

He lit five cigarettes but somehow missed mine. Benedict (breathing the same polluted air as him gives me the right to call him by his first name, or even Benny boy, I think) caught sight of me, still waiting, and muttered something like, "I didn’t realise you were waiting for a light". And quick as lightning, I went: "Did you think I was here for the company?"

If that had happened to me in my 20s, I would have fizzled out like a dud firecracker. But I was in my 50s and, at some subconscious level, I guess I didn’t care how I was perceived, although I am still taken aback by my brazenness when I reflect on it. Was it my race or age that had made me invisible? Race has always been my fallback explanation for rudeness from an interlocutor, however unfairly, but the idea of age was new. I realised that this invisibility gave me a new freedom.

It is a freedom that allows me to walk late at night without fear. This is not to suggest that older women are not the targets of sexual violence but there is a steep fall in male attention. It is truly liberating not having to worry about the footsteps echoing behind you. When an older man in the park stared lecherously and threw the phrase "Fifty Shades of Grey" at me, I was so surprised that I accidentally made eye contact with him, a response I had studiously avoided for years.

I used to buy meat from a halal butcher staffed by mainly young Pakistani men whose hormones could have fuelled a Harley-Davidson. Once when I asked them the Urdu word for kidneys, someone yelled out goliyan, the word for testicles, and everybody laughed. I actually knew what that word meant. I resolved never to go back. About 10 or so years later, when I was passing and needed meat, I thought I’d venture in again. The staff had changed and were very respectful. It was only when one of them addressed me as "aunty" that I realised I had crossed the Rubicon. They were all still clones of the men who had served me years ago. Only I had changed.

Another watershed was when I was invited to speak about black women's activism in the 1980s, particularly my involvement with Outwrite, an anti-racist, anti-imperialist, feminist newspaper, at an event celebrating the history of black feminism. My early life had become someone else’s history!

Being comfortable in your own skin is the biggest gift of the advancing years. We are all plagued by fears and uncertainties but they are aggravated by youth. Perhaps it is also gendered because many of the young men I knew came across as cocky and self-assured. If only I had taken these fears in hand, overcome them, opened doors and wandered into spaces, owned them and expanded them all those years ago, where might I have been now? What I didn’t realise then and see more clearly now is that there is a cult of youth in Western society – partly because of its relative scarcity – where people want your views, however inchoate, because they are gilded by youth. So young people should feel empowered by that knowledge.

I avoided public speaking for years, turning down invites with some excuse or another. I was afraid of coming across as inarticulate. I wanted to be Maya Angelou or Martin Luther King. At the very least I wanted my spoken self to be as polished as my written self. It was only when my first sole-authored book, Enslaved, on modern day slavery, was published in 2007 in my early 50s and there was no one else who could speak for the book, that I had to take the reins myself. On one occasion when I had left my speech at home, I was forced to speak off the cuff and discharged myself quite honourably. It was easier than I had imagined. A public space expanded and owned! Oh, the joy.

The other thing that happens as you get older is that your relationship with time changes. Time speeds up. I hold back the rush of years by marking each year with one significant event; it might be a performance of my work, a publication of a book, a birth or death of someone close. I also keep a list of all the books I have read and the films and plays I have watched each year as an aide-mémoire. Looking back, my life feels full and long and acquires definite contours rather than forming a soup of half-remembered ingredients.

You are also driven to be more productive as time’s wingèd chariot hurries ever nearer. When I was younger, time was an endless ocean on which I would drift. Now there is always one more article to write, one more to read; one more meeting to attend. I rarely stand and stare. Even when I’m relaxing I’m doing mental gymnastics, working away at a Sudoku or crossword.

And what about your relationship with people? In case you think that age mellows you, I have found the exact opposite to be true. I ended a couple of close friendships recently. I had known those friends so long that they were like family, but I could no longer ignore the unhealthy dynamics that had developed between us. The niceties of social life can go hang.

When they say "Life begins at..." I’m not sure it is about a particular age but rather a time when you can at last focus on yourself, free from cares and caring, and also have a little spare cash to splash about. For many women, that point might come quite late in life, if ever. With women having children later than ever and parents living longer than before, one form of caring can merge seamlessly into another. For life to truly begin, let’s say at 65, we can only hope that medicine and technology will keep pace.

I’ve also discovered that ageing is now frequently, and non-judgementally, referred to as "this stage in the life cycle". It makes us sound like butterflies. I can live with that.

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A young Romanian woman was abducted on the streets of London in broad daylight. She was then trafficked to Ireland and taken between a series of "pop up brothels" across the country to be used as a sex slave. This is Ana’s* story. Horrifyingly, her experience is shared by many women.

Last year, almost five million women and girls worldwide were forced to endure sexual exploitation. BBC Two’s new fact-based drama Doing Money documents Ana’s story, shedding light on the reality of this type of modern slavery in Britain today. The type that often happens in plain sight.

Ana was studying to be a nurse before her life was upturned. She was taken by Romanian men who threatened the lives of her loved ones back home should she disobey them. In a troubling, eye-opening scene where Ana has just been taken, she sits in the back of her new handlers’ car, shocked, disoriented and partially sighted when they take away her glasses (they later give her the nickname "Blind One"). "You are thinking, Why doesn’t she scream like in the movies? " Ana narrates. "Because it is not like it is in the movies. In real life, you have no breath to scream."

Before she knows it, Ana is trapped in a dangerous system and forced to live at the mercy of her pimps. Her initial refusal to have sex with the paying men of Ireland is met with violence, withholding food and sexual abuse. Glimmers of hope come when the police manage to track down the illegal operation and raid one of the brothels where she and two other young women are kept as slaves. However, it's then that the gravity of how the women are systematically controlled by fear really sets in. One of the investigating officers sits the women down in the living room and asks if they're being kept and forced to perform sex acts against their will. Their female handler lingers in earshot – a reminder of the threat to their families should they fall out of line and unsurprisingly, none of the imprisoned women is able to say anything.

And so the cycle continues. The women are moved to set up shop in a new town and Ana's life continues to deteriorate. Her hair starts to fall out, some of her teeth are broken and much of her body is bruised by men who pay to have violent sex with her. This is what "doing money" – being a sex slave at the mercy of cash-hungry pimps and willingly ignorant punters – looks like. It's devastating to watch as the pattern of abuse spirals throughout the feature, but it couldn't be more important that we sit up and pay attention to what's going on.

"Sometimes I think that every man in the city understands I was doing money." Ana's narration runs over a clip of her walking through a shopping centre. Men who recognise her shudder and avoid eye contact.

Ana eventually told her story to parliament in Belfast which, in turn, went on to help secure the passing of the Human Trafficking and Exploitation Act – the first new law against slavery in the UK for almost 200 years. Nevertheless, stories of women like Ana remain common in the UK and sharing her experience with the world will hopefully give voice and support to other women who feel as trapped and invisible as she did.

*Names were changed for the purposes of the film.

Doing Money is on BBC Two on Monday 5th November at 9pm and will be available on iPlayer afterwards.

If you have experienced sexual violence of any kind, please visit Rape Crisis or call 0808 802 9999.

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Louis Theroux made his grand return to BBC Two on Sunday with the first in his new miniseries, 'Altered States'. In Love Without Limits, the doyen of documentaries visits Portland, Oregon, to investigate polyamory, dubbed "ethical non-monogamy" by its advocates, or open relationships to the rest of us.

As you'd imagine, the topic makes for colourful viewing and is ripe with awkward situations. Theroux follows three poly groups: Joelle, Mattias and AJ, who conduct their non-hierarchical three-way relationship on an eco-homestead; the "thruple" Bob, Nick and Amanda; and married couple Jerry and Heidi, her lover, Joe, and his wife, Gretchen (it's a tangled web to say the least).

Discomfort is a running theme: for those partaking in the relationships (shout out to the long-suffering Jerry), Theroux himself (in one scene he attends a naked "sensual eating workshop"), and the viewer (it's potentially not one to watch with elderly relatives – as some found out).

Giver. pic.twitter.com/yBtiXVij9n

— Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) November 4, 2018

All this meant that social media lit up with great GIFs, memes and one-liners when it aired last night. These had us choking on our tea...

Every person on tonight’s #LouisTheroux documentary pretending they don’t care their partner is fucking someone else pic.twitter.com/cB1p942h2f

— Alice May Dear (@According2Al) November 4, 2018

The viewing experience was a lot for people to deal with at first.

Watching the new #LouisTheroux with my parents pic.twitter.com/qljaTbttYm

— kathrynwright (@kathrynaw_96) November 4, 2018

4 minutes into new Louis Theroux and this is my face #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/16QHMLV8ME

— Sophie Bartlett ♡ (@Sophierosebx) November 4, 2018

Everyone felt sorry for Jerry who, despite being in a long-term polyamorous arrangement with his wife, had never been with anyone else and was evidently lonely.

Gerry at night having to listen to his wife getting ploughed #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/EdQYKNf7BC

— Birchyyy (@AdamBirch_) November 4, 2018

“I’m extremely happy being in a poly relationship”#LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/diX6jrtcbY

— Josh (@jjjosh__) November 4, 2018

Jerry every time he spoke. #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/RIdDQ0hJB9

— Joe Phelan (@acedece) November 4, 2018

Jerry: Well up for a 3 way.
Heidi: Not gonna happen Jerry.
Jerry: I'll just watch then?
Heidi: Absolutely not.
Jerry: I love you.#louistheroux

— TheRealCraigPullenYo (@CraigB43) November 4, 2018

Bob – one third of the "thruple" that could no longer have threesomes because he "lasts a really long time in bed," unlike Nick – got a collective pat on the back.

"i mean, Bob lasts a really long time"

Bob: ... #LouisTheroux 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/zEuCFx5eYF

— SW 🤙🏽 (@Sammy_W92) November 4, 2018

Shagger of the year.... Bob #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/k6xrGkoZNe

— Rich Jones (@RichWLJones) November 4, 2018

The programme may be over but Bob is still going #LouisTheroux

— (((Sinister Pingu))) (@akaCOYSAF) November 4, 2018

If my life ever becomes “Waiting for bob to finish”, please kill me. #LouisTheroux@louistheroux

— jack wilkinson (@jaksilvershore) November 4, 2018

Then there was the scene in which Theroux attends a "sensual eating" party, which sees him topless and blindfolded, and develops into something of a borderline orgy. There was a lot of touching and feeding going on.

#LouisTheroux at this party pic.twitter.com/mqJIXy4qc9

— Laura (@ljruss23) November 4, 2018

Oh god this is literally the joke they made on Peep Show years ago, with David Mitchell’s character thinking: “I’m Louis Theroux at the orgy! I’m Louis Theroux with his wry smile!” #LouisTheroux

— Gavin Winters (@GavinWinters) November 4, 2018

#LouisTheroux is just sat there at that tasting/orgy event thinking pic.twitter.com/srtwg9kgxp

— Кати (@farmfeatures) November 4, 2018

watching this ‘sensual eating’ party on #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/w6hpsJ1V28

— Adam (@AH93__) November 4, 2018

Not everyone was shocked by the sexy stuff – some were more concerned by the state of the subjects' interior decor choices.

Why do Gerry and Brenda live in TK Maxx? #AlteredStates #LouisTheroux pic.twitter.com/VGjPZH3G8Q

— Steve (@StePaulM) November 4, 2018

The most shocking thing about this Polyamory in Portland doc is the terrible taste these people have in interiors and soft furnishings #LouisTheroux

— Fiona Hanrahan (@NTS_Fiona) November 4, 2018

And the cooked breakfasts.

With all the strange things going on in this episode im more shocked by the state of that bacon!! #LouisTheroux #AlteredStates #LoveWithoutLimits pic.twitter.com/2OXdLVfKHd

— Rick Millar (@rick2099) November 4, 2018

While others just rolled their eyes at the whole country getting its knickers in a twist about non-monogamous relationships.

The reactions to the #LouisTheroux documentary about polyamory is really shocking. I know lots of people in polyamorous/ open relationships. Thank god I'm not vanilla anymore pic.twitter.com/fua0dZsbHP

— Estella Brown Companion (@EstellaInLondon) November 4, 2018

'Love Without Limits' is available on BBC iPlayer.

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Recently, we published our autumn 2018 edition of the outdated pieces you should be purging from your closet. Suffice it to say, you all came prepared with a range of strong opinions - from your steadfast loyalty to trends we recommended tossing, to a reminder that people should continue wearing whatever the hell they want. We've heard you and we couldn't agree more.

As a small disclaimer, we interpret our content as suggestions rather than a strict set of rules. And at R29 we're nothing if not big proponents in saying F*ck the Fashion Rules, even the ones we write about. Trends come and go, moods change, and personal style evolves. The changing season is a time to reconsider what's in your wardrobe. An introspective look at our wardrobes is so much more than a tossing of a few fashion missteps, it's a creative outlet and a chance for renewal.

So this time around, we're bringing you back the same story with a twist. Ahead we're highlighting what R29ers around the world are purging and swapping from their wardrobes this season. Use our opinions as inspiration for your own wardrobe clean out, and give us a shout — we'd love to know what you plan on donating, keeping, or investing in right now.

At Refinery29 UK, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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When Harry Met Sally is one of the best romantic films, for many reasons. It was the first movie to spark public debate about whether men and women can ever be just friends; it was created by the witty and beloved journalist, writer and filmmaker Nora Ephron; there's that Katz diner scene; and Meg Ryan's wardrobe is pitch-perfect – particularly for autumnal sartorial inspiration.

With cosy knitted sweaters, velvet party dresses and geography teacher corduroy blazers, the film's style feels less 1989 and more 2018. Click through to see the pieces we're wearing inspired by (arguably) the best rom-com of all time.

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To celebrate the release of The Girl In The Spider’s Web, we wanted to catch up with the remarkable, female-strong workforce who made this feminist story happen – from behind the scenes.

In part two of our 'Behind The Lens' series we speak to the women on set about how they broke into their male-dominated industries; the importance of teamwork; and the positive – if not immediately obvious – impact a lead female role as complicated and as smart as Lisbeth Salander has on society.

Check out The Girl In The Spider’s Web, at cinemas globally.

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Rihanna isn't one to shy away from talking politics. That's why we weren't surprised when she told Trump to quit playing her 2007 hit "Don’t Stop the Music" at his fear-stoking rallies, which he's been holding at a feverish pace ahead of Tuesday's midterm elections in the US.

The Washington Post 's Philip Rucker first alerted RiRi to this fact via Twitter: "It’s been said a million times, but here’s a million and one — Trump’s rallies are unlike anything else in politics. Currently, Rihanna’s 'Don’t Stop the Music' is blaring in Chattanooga as aides toss free Trump T-shirts into the crowd, like a ball game. Everyone’s loving it," he wrote on Sunday.

Rihanna responded that, actually, the music needs to stop ASAP. "Not for much longer...me nor my people would ever be at or around one of those tragic rallies, so thanks for the heads up Philip!"

Not for much longer...me nor my people would ever be at or around one of those tragic rallies, so thanks for the heads up philip! https://t.co/dRgRi06GrJ

— Rihanna (@rihanna) November 5, 2018

Although the Barbadian singer can't vote in the U.S., she's made her views known. Hours before her warning to Trump, she endorsed Florida gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum on Instagram, writing, "The US has only had four black governors in its entire history and we can help make #AndrewGillum the next one and Florida’s first." Last month, she reportedly turned down the chance to perform at the Super Bowl in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick's stand against police brutality. She's also called Trump an "immoral pig " over his immigration ban and was seen wearing a T-shirt with Hillary Clinton's face before the 2016 election (as well as a very meta T-shirt featuring a photo of herself wearing a T-shirt with Hillary's face).

She's not the first musician who wishes Trump would stop using their talents to promote his anti-immigrant agenda: that long list includes Adele, Neil Young, Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses, Elton John, the Rolling Stones, Pharrell Williams, and Luciano Pavarotti's estate. But licensing loopholes allow him to play the songs anyway, and no artist has gone to court because of it — at least not yet.

Pharrell reportedly sent Trump a cease-and-desist letter when he played "Happy" at a campaign rally in Illinois hours after 11 people were murdered by a terrorist at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh. "Tragic" is the right word.

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You've cheated. Maybe it was a one-night stand spurred on by too much alcohol and impaired decision-making. Maybe it was an on-going affair with a friend or colleague. No matter the circumstances, you're in a sticky situation if you're interested in keeping your relationship intact.

And, you're likely wracked with guilt. When trying to fix your relationship, you probably think that step number one is coming clean and telling your partner that you cheated. But, the "honesty is the best policy" mantra most kids learn in kindergarten doesn't actually hold up here, says Megan Fleming, PhD, a marriage counsellor and sex therapist in New York City. It might be a controversial move, but she suggests that you don't tell your partner about your infidelity.

"You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she says. Sure, you'll feel better if you tell your S.O. that you cheated, but how will your partner feel? By telling, all you'll do is dump a pile of negative feelings on them — feelings such as resentment, confusion, anger, and rejection. And your admission of guilt is going to shake the core and the foundation of your relationship — your partner might never trust you again.

If you actually want to make the relationship better, Dr. Fleming suggests focusing on what happened to make you cheat in the first place. "Obviously on some level your relationship was feeling challenged," she says. Usually, when Dr. Fleming sees clients who've had affairs, the infidelity stems from feeling that their needs weren't being met in their relationship. And instead of talking to their partners about their insecurities surrounding sex or emotional intimacy, these clients cheated. "A lot of times, the crisis is the opportunity," she says. "So, the affair in some ways was a crisis, and it's the opportunity to repair the relationship and make it better."

If the affair is over and you're left wanting to fix your relationship with your partner, Dr. Fleming suggests first seeing a therapist on your own and working through what went wrong. A therapist can help you realise what needs you didn't think were being met in your relationship and how to start bringing up your concerns with your partner in a healthy way. Later, if you and your partner want to keep working on your relationship, you can go to couples' therapy. But, regardless, Dr. Fleming suggests keeping the affair out of it.

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Lena Dunham may be one of the most precocious creative forces Hollywood has seen in a long time. The writer, director and performer was in her mid-20s when the acclaimed, much-debated and generation-defining Girls premiered on HBO in 2012, and barely 30 when it wrapped last year. But there’s a catch: Exceptional talent, success and accolades at an unusually young age don’t nullify the whole youth thing. Which is to say that Dunham didn’t always know how to handle her fame, her influence, or her platforms.

“There were a lot of moments in my 20s where I didn’t know what to do with the eyes that were on me,” Dunham, now 32, tells Refinery29’s global editor-in-chief and co-founder Christene Barberich in this week’s UnStyled. “So I thought that my job was to be – obviously it's a very important moment to be politically engaged – but I thought my job was to be the loudest, most busy, most active, most present, most noisy, most feminist, most, most, most, and there were amazing things that came out of all of it.”

Not all of those “most” moments were amazing — especially not on social media. “But there was also a cost to me personally, and I didn't do it all well all the time,” Dunham admits. As it happens, the end of Girls wouldn’t be the only life-altering recent change in Dunham’s still-young life: 2018 saw the end of her personal relationship with musician Jack Antonoff (another prodigy, by the way), the conclusion of her fruitful producing partnership with Jenni Konner, and the disclosure, back in March, that she’d just undergone a total hysterectomy following a traumatic, seven-year battle with endometriosis. And, just last month (after the UnStyled chat), she and Konner announced they’d shut down Lenny Letter, their newsletter and website, after three years. (Their final producing project together, the series Camping, premiered on HBO October 14.)

So, after all of that, Dunham says she’s back to basics. “I'm really trying to focus on writing, and being a constructive member of my community. My community is now smaller than what it was before.” And while Dunham doesn’t reject the burdens of her celebrity, her access or her art, she’s put it all in crucial perspective. “It used to be [that] I thought my job was to be an important voice for women in Hollywood, an important voice for body positivity, an important voice for this [and that] in the world … now I'm like, ‘that's all great.’ But really, I just want to be a solid, strong connected friend, a good daughter, a loving sibling, and a writer. That's all I dream of.”

Of course, all of this flux is not easy to absorb, to put it mildly. “It's a really complicated time,” Dunham tells Barberich. “All of us know that change is equally magical and terrifying. So you can wake up in the morning feeling excited about the world of possibility available to you, and by evening you're shaking in your boots because it just feels like too much.”

To hear much more of everything from Dunham and Barberich’s chat – the aftermath and side effects of her illness, what she’s really learned from social media, working with “loon” Jennifer Garner on Camping, and her next projects – click here and subscribe to UnStyled via Apple Podcasts today.

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“Register to vote, and register your friends, too!” “Get to the polls.” “Get out the vote.” Over the past few months, you’ve likely been inundated with messages like these, as we march toward Election Day 2018. While it’s true we all need those reminders, these certitudes largely ignore a glaring truth: Despite all our bragging about being the world’s most shining example of democracy, America makes it very difficult for every person to truly participate.

Nationwide, Election Day is still not a federal holiday, which hits working people particularly hard: In 2014, 35 percent of registered voters who decided not to vote in the midterm elections cited work or school conflicts as the reason, according to a Pew Research Center survey. Additionally, only 37 states (including 3 that mail ballots to all voters) allow for early voting and just 15 States and the District of Columbia allow same day registration on election day.

And this is on top of a lack of civics education in schools. Natasha Harper-Madison, 41, says the first time she voted when she was 18 remains one of the most shameful moments of her life. “I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea who half of the people on this ballot were,” she says. “The further down the ballot I got, the less I recognised the names or implications of the public office they served. Even when I put that ‘I voted’ sticker on my chest I felt like a fraud.”

This feeling, Harper-Madison says, was the result of growing up in poverty: Her mother was much more concerned about where to get food for her and her six siblings than she was about civic duty, Harper-Madison says. And the schools she went to was underfunded, overcrowded and did little to teach her and her peers about policies, candidates or even how to cast a ballot.

Making matters worse for her and voters who still find themselves in a similar situation is that Harper-Madison’s home state of Texas, has some of the nation’s toughest voting restrictions.

In order to vote in Texas, you are required to register in person or by mail. Texas is the only state that requires people to be registered by a Volunteer Deputy Registrar. Additionally, as of 2017, the state requires that people register a full 30 days before Election Day. If you make it to the polls on election day, you are required to show government-issued photo identification in order to cast a ballot.

In April of this year a federal appeals court in the state upheld it’s strict voter ID law. This was the first time a federal court has upheld the law, a revamped version of one of the toughest voter ID restrictions in the country. Similar laws in North Carolina and Wisconsin have been in and out of the courts for years.

As a result, today, Austin, Texas, where Harper-Madison has lived for decades, is a microcosm for the difficulties voters face across the country, especially when it comes to traditionally disenfranchised populations. For people of colour, individuals with disabilities, those struggling with homelessness and transgender people, the challenges of voting are often amplified.

Supporters of all of these regulations say they help prevent voter fraud, but opponents point out that there is no evidence that voter fraud is a widespread problem and that such laws only make it more difficult for traditionally disenfranchised populations to exercise their right to vote.

Harper-Madison, for her part, has made it her goal to transcend the cycle of poverty and help others do the same. Today she is running for city council in Austin and is the creator of Take5ToVote, an initiative to help community members old and young in East Austin understand how their government works and why voting is so crucial. She says part of the reason she’s running is to model the type of civic engagement she never saw and to help put an end to some of the systemic challenges that low-income and otherwise marginalised voters face when it comes to participating in our democracy.

Take5ToVote started in 2016 when she had a friend construct a prototype of a voting machine that she took to events at local community centres where a small staff of volunteer mentors educated people about everything from what type of identification to bring to the polls to the role that local officials played in making policy. Her goal is to equip everyone she can with the knowledge that their vote really does matter, and the tools to make informed decisions. Her message: “Keeping it all the way real sis, there are many people who would seek to suppress your vote and your voice. However not showing up gives them a double win,” she says. "Don't give them the double win of you not showing up.”

Harper-Madison is no stranger to challenges, whether it’s securing an education, building a business or surviving cancer. But, voting, a right enshrined in the 15th Amendment of the Constitution, should not be this hard, she says.

Voting as a Transgender Person

The 2016 election was the first time Danielle Skidmore voted as her true self. “The first time I saw my voter registration card and it said Danielle Marie Skidmore instead of my birth name,” Skidmore says, smiling broadly as her voice trails off. “Being authentic. You can’t beat it.”

Skidmore came out privately nine years ago but didn’t come out publicly until 2016 after she’d started hormone replacement therapy. In addition to changing her name, she also went through the process of changing her gender marker on her identification. Both of these processes were completed in a single afternoon at court, but were years in the making. In addition to tracking down all her paperwork, and hiring an attorney, Skidmore also needed letters from a therapist and medical doctor. “These letters and the medical costs associated with both are a real challenge for most all transgender people. Beyond cost, just access to doctors and therapists is difficult in much of the country still,” she says.

“We as humans are more comfortable putting people in boxes,” Skidmore says of the process, which was at times invasive and exhausting. “The single most important thing we can do for our community is recognise people as real and valid and legitimate human beings. But, documents are how people function in society.”

And when it comes to voting, documents are especially important, even more so in a state like Texas where voters are required to have a photo ID. For trans people this can present a myriad challenges at the polls because for starters, not everyone is able to afford the cost of a name change and gender marker change. In fact, only 11 percent of transgender people have their preferred name and gender marker on all of their identity documents, according to the 2015 US Transgender Survey. This can lead to at best, triggering confusion and at worst, illegal turning away of trans people at the polls when a trans person presents as one gender, but is listed as being another gender on their documentation.

This problem is compounded when you consider that trans people are more likely than cis people to experience homelessness, as well as employment and housing insecurity — all known difficulties in obtaining the documentation that the state requires to vote.

Skidmore considers herself among the very lucky and privileged of her community. Aside from a few stares from fellow voters and slightly perplexed looks from poll workers, she was able to vote without issue in 2016. She wants the transgender community to go out and vote but she understands the impulse to hide. It’s something she grappled with for decades.

As election day draws near, Skidmore who herself is running for city council, has one clear message to other struggling with if or how to vote. “Please don’t disenfranchise yourself,” she says. “If going to a polling place is triggering or hard vote absentee, vote by mail. Take care of yourself first, but know that your vote really matters.”

Voting with a disability

Renee Lopez understands the importance of showing up on Election Day, but sometimes she just can’t. Lopez, 57 was born with Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita, a disability which impacts her joints. She navigates the world with the help of a wheelchair. Getting to the polls takes a lot of planning. She can use paratransit — public transit rides that aim to serve those with disabilities — but, rides must be scheduled in advance and often necessitates a guessing game because it’s a shared ride system, there’s a chance she’ll be in the car for close to an hour before even getting dropped off. If the lines at the polls are long, she might not be able to vote before the ride comes back for pick-up. If lines are short she could be waiting to be picked up for an hour or more.

The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 requires that people with disabilities have access to public services, programs, or activities, such as voting. Additionally, the Help America Vote Act of 2002 required that each polling place have at least one voting system that is accessible by people with disabilities in federal elections.

And yet even with those laws in place, Lopez says, voting isn’t easy. For example, sometimes that “accessible” voting machine is in the back of a polling place and requires navigating through rows of people to get there. During the 2016 election the US Government Accountability Office surveyed 178 polling places and reported that 60% had one or more potential impediments for voters with disabilities. “There’s an assumption, a belief that people with disabilities just don’t vote,” she says, “I don’t think we’re seen as a group of people that should be considered by candidates.”

A study from Rutgers University found that in 2016, there were 62.7 million eligible voters who either have a disability or have a household member with a disability — that’s more than one-fourth of the total electorate. But the voter turnout rate of people with disabilities was six percentage points lower than that of people without disabilities.

“It turns into a catch-22 because we’re not seen as a valid group of voters but people don’t understand that it’s because of the difficulty in even getting to a polling place,” Lopez says. “[Nonetheless] it’s my right as an American. I’ll do whatever I have to do just to make sure I do go vote even if it is difficult.”

The burden, she says is often unfairly placed on people with disabilities to plan for challenges they might face and explain their needs on Election Day. Lopez has limited physical mobility in her arms and as a result she cannot be wearing a coat to the polling place if she wishes to vote. Because she doesn’t have “reach” tasks like getting out her ID can be difficult.

Lopez says she’s often seen people with disabilities who might have difficulty standing in line accused of “skipping.” Educating election judges about how to help voters with disabilities is key she says to creating lasting changes that make it easier for voters with disabilities. Though the challenges presented by different disabilities can be unique to individuals, it’s essential for election officials to feel comfortable interacting with people and asking questions about how to help.

Lopez for her part is tackling the challenge head on. She volunteers as an election judge for early voting. “I wanted the visibility,” she says. “I want people to have the knowledge that we are an important part of the voting process and to get used to the idea that we are an important part of their community.”

Voting while homeless

Nicole Carithers-Benoit is clad in a flowy orange dress and flip flops, with a broad smile nearly as bright as her neon pink phone case. If you passed her on the street you would have no idea she is struggling with homelessness. She wants to keep it that way.

Carithers-Benoit, 45 says she has been registered to vote since she was 18. But, in recent years she says, she’s had bigger problems.

She has struggled with drug addiction, post traumatic stress disorder and other medical issues that have made it difficult for her to work. Originally from Indiana, she’s spent the past year staying with friends in Florida and California, before coming to Austin in April. She is currently staying at the Austin Resource Center for the Homeless or ARCH, one of the city’s largest homeless shelters, while she tries to get on her feet.

Carithers-Benoit admits she’s uncertain what the future holds. She’s been a recovering addict for 10 years and decided to leave Indiana for the sake of her sobriety. She’s given up enough in this life. She won’t give up on trying to vote. “I know I have the right to vote. I’ve always known that. It’s just about finding the resources so we can actually be heard.”

She said she’d looked up information about voting, but because she initially still had her Indiana driver’s license and she didn’t yet have a permanent address, she didn’t think she was eligible to vote in Texas. She tried to ask for help at the shelter, but couldn't get clarity. “If you don’t ask the right questions you don’t get the answers you need,” she says.

Reports from earlier this year suggest there are more than 2,000 people experiencing homelessness in the city of Austin. Broadly speaking, homeless individuals can register to vote in all 50 states, according to the National Coalition for the Homeless, but the ID and residency requirements vary by state. Many states including Texas lack specific written policies pertaining specifically to registering homeless individuals, which leads to a lot of confusion and disenfranchisement of people who deserve a voice as much as anyone else.

“Unfortunately it's sad that we're put in a box, out of sight out of mind. They turn a blind eye,” she says of politicians and the public alike. “We’re human just like you. We’re just having a bad situation.”

After many months, Carithers-Benoit found out from a candidate canvassing in a local park that because she receives mail at a nearby church, she could get a Texas ID. Carithers-Benoit says that now that she will absolutely be voting on Election day.

She knows she might face obstacles at the polls. Maybe there will be a problem with her ID, maybe it will just be judgmental stares. The result: “I have the feeling that those of us who are low income really don't have a voice,” she says. But she adds, it’s important to remind elected officials that she is still one of the people whose lives they are often making policy about. She hopes to use her voice this year for candidates pledging to make voting easier for everyone.

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If you know anything about Ariana Grande's life, you know that she's dealt with a lot of heartbreak in the past couple of years. Between the Manchester bombing in 2017, Mac Miller's death in September, and her very public breakup from Pete Davidson last month, it's certainly seems like a lot for one person to handle.

Despite these hardships, on Saturday night, Grande dropped the most emotionally-aware breakup banger of all time, called "thank u, next." In the song, she thanks each of her exes — including Miller and Davidson — for teaching her something about herself. So, it's no wonder that today fans were tweeting at her asking: "who is ariana's therapist and are they accepting new clients."

As it turns out, Grande does have a therapist. "lmaoaoo this is funny as fuck but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times," Grande wrote on Twitter. Then, she gave some advice about how to seek emotional support. "if you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be. u don’t have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma," she wrote. "i’ve got a lot of work to do but it’s a start to even be aware that it’s possible." We stan a mental health icon, as they say.

lmaoaoo this is funny as fuck but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times. if you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be. u don’t have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma. i’ve got a lot of work to do but it’s a start to even be aware that it’s possible. 🖤 https://t.co/XiytR3xE0O

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) November 5, 2018

In all seriousness, Grande brings up a great point. Often people worry that going to therapy is a sign of weakness, because they believe they should be able to figure out their emotional issues on their own — but that is so not the case. Therapy gives you a chance to work through relationship problems or transitional periods, cope through grief, discuss trauma, or just manage daily anxiety and stress. As Joy Harden Bradford, PhD, an Atlanta-based therapist who runs the podcast Therapy for Black Girls told Refinery29: "If nothing else, [therapy] gives you 60 minutes in the week to be focused on yourself." Who wouldn't want that?

It's very cool of Grande to use her platform to openly talk about mental health, especially considering how many young people look up to her. If you're curious about what happens during therapy, or interested in finding your own therapist, asking your physician or another healthcare professional for a referral is a good place to start. And if you don't have the resources to see a therapist right now, there are still some great ways to manage your mental health for free that are worth exploring.

Either way, Grande just gave us one more reason to love her.

If you are experiencing anxiety and are in need of crisis support, please contact Samaritans on 116 123. All calls are free and will be answered in confidence.

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There aren't many countries close(ish) to the UK that people fancy going on holiday to during the winter. Anywhere that's actually hot is too far away, anywhere that's only mildly warm feels like a disappointment, and anywhere Christmassy (here's looking at you Germany) is bound to be packed to the rafters with tourists drinking overpriced mulled wine from paper cups.

Iceland remains a solid winter holiday destination though. From the glory of the Northern Lights, to the purported wellness properties of the hot springs, to the achingly cool Reykjavik nightlife scene, it's easy to see what's drawing millennials there in droves – despite the fact that it's eye-wateringly expensive. Half a pint is likely to set you back about £7, while a meal for two in an average restaurant is estimated to be around £70.

Obviously, though, you still want to "do" Iceland. But is there a way to visit without spending all your savings? We asked the travellers in our Money Diaries Facebook group, who reckon that yeah, it's doable, but you've got to be aware of a few things first.

Here are their recommendations on how not to blow the budget in Iceland.

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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...

I knew my 28-year marriage was over one night after a knock at the door. I felt I’d been at best rejected, at worst complicit in my husband’s philandering. Bruised and defeated, I filed for divorce and retreated into the loving support of family, friends, work, an excellent therapist, personal trainer and the arts. I didn’t need a man to complete me and as if to mark the end of that life, I had an emergency hysterectomy. Everything that had made me vibrantly female was ripped away along with my womb and my ovaries. I laughed out loud when my gynaecologist told me to come back when I was ready to start having sex again.

My passion for an emotional, romantic life was spent. Desire would play no part, I decided. I would be celibate, a nun, and from this saintly pillar I looked down on peers who dated – a bit desperate and Anne Bancroft for me.

But a pillar is a shaky place and I’m not well suited to being a nun.

"Perhaps you feel as if someone else made that choice for you," suggested my astute therapist friend.

She had a point. We are constantly fed messages that men in their 50s and beyond are sexual beings but that menopause is nature’s way of saying that women are not. For some, sex has morphed into foot rubs and cosy cups of tea in bed. But what if you haven’t made that choice?

With the notable exception of killer whales, the females of most species die when they stop being reproductively useful. Social scientists (mostly male) have found that – surprise, surprise – men just don’t fancy women who can’t reproduce. Evolutionary biologists (mostly female) have at least found a role for us as carers to the familial line. Post-menopausal women present a biological conundrum and a question of female identity. I had no choice but to challenge all this – because frankly, I can’t knit.

The last time I’d been on a date with a man other than my ex-husband was 1984, the year the original Apple Macintosh computer went on sale. 'Jeff' picked me up in his new car, a convertible, and drove me to a party, the wind ruffling my Farrah Fawcett hair. I tried my first and only joint and promptly threw up all over the cream leather seats of his car. We didn’t go out again.

"Bit surprised someone like you would go on a dating app," my happily married brother said.

"Is it safe?" asked a married friend who used to cruise the clubs with me in our 20s. "Why don’t you just ask friends to set you up?"

Scratch that idea off your list. No one knows a single, straight man. If they do, he’s probably too traumatised by the end of his marriage or the death of his wife, otherwise he’d be on a dating app. I finally took the plunge because dating apps seem no more crazy than thinking you’ll find love after three Cuba Libres and a quick fumble in a bar.

Of course if you haven’t spent the intervening years documenting your life online, it feels a bit odd, and for women, the steepest hurdle is the photo. A quick left swipe on any dating app will show that many men don’t stress about this too much – pop in a headshot from work or stand in front of a bathroom mirror with your phone angled at your hip, praying your wife doesn’t catch you at it.

One friend hired a professional photographer. She changed outfits between shots and the photographer offered to touch photos up. Men get incandescent about this on dating apps. "You’re buying the drinks until you look like the photo on the app," I read more than once. I think women just accept that he’s not going to look like what he puts up because to be honest, who does?

I asked a friend who understands Instagram filters to take mine. I wasn’t wildly happy with the result but I haven’t been happy with a photo of myself since I was 10. I also ignored my friend’s partner John, who told me:

"You need a full body shot so they know you’re not a moose."

Moose or not, I wasn’t doing a bikini shot or waiting until I’d "lost all the weight". I’m desirable, I told myself as I signed up. I didn’t believe a word of it but in this parallel universe maybe this was also true.

There’s an app to suit every taste. I chose Bumble because I liked the idea that women make the first move. My daughter said it was probably full of men who like to explain they are feminists but I didn’t really find that to be the case. I liked the simplicity but other friends hated it because they wanted to more carefully target certain sorts of men. Many women in their 50s use dating apps around their favourite newspapers – Encounters Dating ( The Times and The Telegraph) or Guardian Soulmates. These apps require only a little more commitment, filling in forms and paying a fee. Others go straight for apps like Elite Singles which match professionals and require a lot more information. I didn’t feel ready for that. I don't know many people who use Tinder at our age – maybe it feels too raw, too scary. Some people like OkCupid. Apps like Happn, which help find people you’ve crossed paths with, imagine a world where everyone’s a bit too young and trendy for me. Friends who live in the country often go for Muddy Matches. We’re too old for The League – it's invitation only anyway – and I felt too young for some of the other sites that market themselves to people over 50.

So what did I discover?

An interesting anomaly in the male population: a bumper crop of 48-year-olds who look like they’re 63.

Some men wax lyrical about their love of the theatre or walks on the beach and only want to hook up late at night.

The women of Britain are sexual aggressors. Perfectly sweet-looking men feel compelled to state on their profiles in all caps: NO ONS! (one-night stands).

Online dating improves your social life with married friends too; men want to evaluate their own performance against other men (not men they already know), and women want to check out what’s out there in case they decide to walk out.

Can I recommend it?

Wholeheartedly yes.

At first, it’s a vulnerable place but the people you meet are vulnerable too. If you’re single in your 50s, something has happened in your life, but that can be life-affirming.

And the dates?

I fancied some of them but even the ones I didn’t were nice. Like Portuguese P who I’d chatted to online for weeks (rookie error) but five minutes into dinner, realised I felt no attraction to at all. Or J, an older Scottish man, handsome online with his mouth shut, interesting and smart to boot, but with a snaggletooth right in front. I spent most of the date trying to work out how quickly I could suggest dental work.

Takeaway?

Women are shallow too, but social scientists have it all wrong.

Post-menopausal women are actually quite a desirable lot: more confident than our younger sisters, clear about what we want and even attractive to younger men who like the fact that we’re more comfortable in our own skin, even if that skin is a little crepey. Most of my dating friends have been out with younger men and in some cases substantially younger men. If that’s what you want, you can tell Madame Macron to move on!

My friend L maintains the only purpose of dating apps is to stop hoping you’ll meet someone to complete your life every time you go to dinner or a party. For me it has affirmed that my life is already a good life. I’m looking for the cherry on the top of a cake I chose and baked myself. I don’t need it but it would be fun.

Dating has given me a chance to laugh, be carefree and connect with something I’d lost in myself. It’s not a desperate act. You can do most things alone these days – buy a house, travel, have an orgasm. Although you can’t have a knee-trembling, passionate kiss, there aren’t many of those in long marriages either.

Maybe dating in your 50s isn’t about love, companionship, orgasms or even passionate kisses. Maybe it’s about feeling that your life is still opening up, not shutting down, and that you can choose which direction you want to take it in. Online dating could give you confidence both professionally and personally, and learning how to flirt again isn’t a bad thing either.

And yes, I did recently visit my gynaecologist. The world has changed for women there too, but that is for another article, when you’ve already taken the first step and swiped right.

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Alongside acne, eczema and dermatitis, rosacea affects many women in the UK, with those aged 30 and above most likely to experience symptoms.

Dr Sobia Ali, skin health doctor at Dr Nestor’s Medical and Cosmetic Centre, characterises the skin condition by a facial rash, with symptoms including redness, flushing and congested pores, but as Dr Anjali Mahto, consultant dermatologist and author of The Skincare Bible: Your No-Nonsense Guide To Good Skin unravels, it is often misunderstood.

"Rosacea was previously known as 'acne rosacea' but this is no longer the case, as both conditions are unrelated," Dr Mahto explained. "Symptoms of rosacea include facial skin sensitivity, redness, flushing or a sensation of heat and small red bumps known as papules," she continued. "Some people may develop prominent, small, dilated blood vessels and other potential problems include facial swelling, gritty eyes, and enlargement and redness of the nose."

So what causes rosacea? While it isn't fully understood, the skin condition is said to be aggravated by many factors, such as temperature changes, sunlight, alcohol, exercise, hot drinks, stress and spicy foods, according to both experts. "There is no cure," adds Dr Mahto, "but the condition can be managed with cream treatments, oral antibiotics, anti-flushing medications, and laser therapy. The latter can be used to treat prominent blood vessels, redness and occasional skin thickening which can be associated with rosacea. Usually multiple sessions are required and a skilled cosmetic dermatologist will be able to carry out the treatments after discussion of the best laser type for your skin."

Dr Ali also mentions that rosacea symptoms could be a result of hormone fluctuations, genetics and hyperactive oil glands, and so recommends incorporating an ingredient like salicylic acid – which decongests pores, exfoliates skin and reduces inflammation – into your skincare routine. Dr Mahto also suggests avoiding perfumed soaps, instead opting for emollients, and says that sunscreen is extremely important to help manage rosacea. "UV radiation is one of the common rosacea triggers," she explains. "Ideally an SPF of 50 should be worn that provides broad-spectrum protection against UVA (which traditionally penetrate the skin and result in things like pigmentation and fine lines) and UVB (associated with burns)."

As well as SPF and salicylic acid, there are many other products and ingredients out there which can help to alleviate or even mask the symptoms of rosacea. Ahead, you'll find 10 of the very best.

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"Table for one please," I find myself saying, often. In those words I see no shame or sadness because taking myself out to eat alone is something I cherish in my week. If I look back on the moments of my life where I’ve felt total joy, the scene is usually the same: me in front of a plate of food, alone. One of my most memorable meals is a huge bowl of soup and kimchi dumplings which I ate slowly on a freezing afternoon in Seoul, sitting alone on a bench in a bustling market. I was 23 and lonely, travelling by myself, but with every sip of that soup I felt lifted, even though I had no one to speak to. When I went to sit, the lady who ran the stall gestured to the space beside me and held up two fingers. I gestured for one. She smiled softly and put extra dumplings in my soup. This is just one of many solitary meals that make me keep choosing to eat alone.

I love to eat. I have an appetite for almost everything and I don’t want anything limiting me from enjoying that, even if it means going out by myself. But I had to force myself to see it as a pleasure and a privilege, because for so long it was my only option. I lived by myself for many years, in a different hemisphere from my family, and have been single for most of my 20s, so the only way I could experience the food I wanted to eat was alone.

Sometimes it saved me, like when my loneliness became almost crippling – I knew I could book a table in a restaurant and have a conversation about wine with a waiter. It got me out of the house and doing something I loved (without having to cook). Even now that I don’t struggle with loneliness, I still purposefully go out to eat by myself. But the connotations of loneliness are still there; if it’s not a choice, it can be difficult. With almost half of all meals in the UK eaten alone and 34% of people often going a whole week without sharing a meal with someone, it’s important to consider whether it’s an action of choice or circumstance.

For me, it’s the best way to dedicate time to doing something for myself that makes me feel good on so many different levels, and I don’t think I’m alone. The online reservation service Bookatable has seen bookings for single tables rise by 38% over the last four years. I love seeing food writer Rebecca May Johnson take herself out for chocolate milkshakes, or read Chidera Eggerue write about the power of treating yourself to a table for one at Nando's. I don’t think the cost of the meal makes it feel any more or less special. Sometimes I’ve splurged (I once spent £80 on three courses and a cocktail) but they didn’t make me feel any better than meals that have left me with change from a tenner. Bliss is a few hours writing in my notebook and people-watching in my favourite greasy spoon just off Trafalgar Square. It was the first place I ate when I came to London and I could sit there all day, eating toast and drinking tea.

Yet for my friend Lauren, 25, there is nothing worse than going out to eat alone. "I’m insecure about looking lonely and anxious about not having something to do while I’m sitting there," she says. Similarly, my neighbour Grace, 22, wouldn’t do it "unless there was literally no other option; I think it would make me feel miserable". Again, the connotations of loneliness. Is this why we don’t see more women eating alone in restaurants?

I ask psychiatrist Dr Lopa Winters why some women feel like there are barriers to eating out by themselves. "As a woman there is still an imbalance in society about seeing a woman on her own eating," she says. "Women in this context have always been presented with a partner, a child or with her friends. There are so many social stereotypes of ladies who lunch, for example, that if you’re a lady lunching on your own, you’re sort of subverting your stereotype." We discuss how gender politics play into it, the role reversal – from the feeder to the fed – and why being a woman alone in a public space is perceived as an invitation for (unwanted) attention. With all this in mind, why am I – and other women – drawn to it? "It’s definitely an act of self-care," Dr Winters says. "I think you can be so mindful when you’re eating because the focus shifts on your surroundings and what you’re eating. It’s a practice of being mindful about your body and what you’re putting in it as much as it is an act of affection for yourself; it nurtures everything at once." With self-care such a hot topic right now, maybe we'll see more women taking themselves out...

One of my main sources of solo eating inspiration is Sophie Mackintosh, author of The Water Cure, who writes the newsletter Gastro Del Solo about her experiences of eating for one in restaurants. Like me, she relishes the meditative atmosphere of dining alone so we went out for a coffee to talk about it. She said: "Eating out at a restaurant by myself is the best time to really check in with how I’m feeling. Like a lot of women, for a long time food was a really difficult thing for me, so it’s so nice to reframe it as something good to do for yourself. Sometimes I take a book as a prop in case I get shy, but mostly I just try to be mindful and register how I’m feeling."

For my friend Imogen, 27, much of the joy is in the surroundings: "Eating alone I feel is really empowering, but only when I put my phone down because I can absorb so much more. The voyeur in me loves to observe everyone else." The idea of treating yourself and the autonomy of it appeals most to 24-year-old actress Maddison. "Sometimes, if an audition goes really well, I’ll treat myself to a nice meal afterwards. I relish eating by myself, as I feel like I appreciate the meal that much more. I like the independence of it. I can go where, and when I want."

Eating out alone is something every young woman should do at least once. Getting comfortable with it has been a gift and has made me stronger in other potentially uncomfortable situations. So when you next ask for a table for one, know that you alone are enough company. As I write this, I’m contemplating my next meal – the extravagance of oysters crosses my mind but I think I’ll just end up in Trafalgar Square, eating toast.

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There's less than six months to go until "Brexit Day", when the UK will leave the EU once and for all, but if you've been following the ongoing negotiations you'll know they're not exactly going according to plan – particularly the confusion over what will happen to the Irish border. That's on top of the fact that if the referendum were re-held two years on, Remain would clinch it, according to numerous polls.

So the recent news that there's been a spike in British people buying homes in Ireland is only somewhat surprising. House sales to "Brexit refugees" from the UK have increased by 10% in the last year, with almost half of estate agents citing a rise in enquiries from the UK in the last year, the Irish Independent reported this week.

Brexit was cited as a direct reason for moving to Ireland in almost a fifth of all sales, with nearly 40% of buyers relocating to Ireland from London and the southeast of England.

But the data from estate agents suggests that Brexit is proving to be a "double-edged sword" for the country, because British people are outbidding Irish homebuyers and putting pressure on an already stretched Irish housing market, the paper concluded.

Brexit was confirmation that it was time to go...I was no longer welcome in London.

While emigrants wanting to return home make up a chunk of those moving to Ireland, many others are British-based workers moving there for the first time. One such woman is 23-year-old Isabella*, who lived in London for 22 years before moving to Dublin this July. She is among the over 70% of 18 to 24-year-olds who backed Remain, and her decision to move was "directly related to Brexit," she told Refinery29.

Following the June 2016 referendum, Isabella, who works in tech, "made an active decision to expand [her] search to Europe," when searching for her next role. Applications for Irish passports spiked in the first few months after the Brexit result (an Irish passport would allow eligible British citizens to retain EU citizenship) so she clearly wasn't alone in deciding to plump for Ireland.

"I've always wanted to work abroad, but Brexit was confirmation that it was time to go. At the beginning I was in a state of shock and felt I was no longer welcome in London. The initial worry died down, but the shift in environment and how everyone felt really changed how I felt towards the city I'd spent most of my time in."

Isabella suffers from diabetes and was also concerned by the "scaremongering" around potential disruption to the insulin supply chain in the event of a no-deal Brexit. "It's a small thing but not having to worry about picking up prescriptions is a big relief," she said. "It seems there's no coherent understanding of where the UK is headed, and talking to my Scottish colleagues, you can really feel the divide within the UK, exacerbated by Brexit. My concern is that the uptick in racism after the Brexit vote isn't going to be dealt with. This might be a major factor in whether I ever return."

Since moving to Dublin, she says she has a healthy work/life balance for the first time and is able to explore Ireland's famously rugged landscapes – a far cry from central London living. "In the UK, I was working six days a week, evenings and weekends and now I have full weekends, and finish work at 6pm most days. The weather is similar, but slightly windier!

"It's lovely to be so close to the beach, being able to get on a train and be in the Dublin mountains in half an hour, and to have a new city to explore. The stereotype of everyone being friendlier than Londoners has so far held true for me, and it's been considerably easier to establish myself in different social circles than I expected."

The similarities between Ireland and the UK have made the transition easier than it may have been if she'd moved to mainland Europe. "It's a lot closer to my life in the UK than I expected," she said. "Small things, like P45s, are almost the same, which makes it a little easier to get to grips with a new city, tax system and job."

This may be part of the reason why she knows "many [other] people" in her industry who have made the same move. "If you want to go into tech, Dublin is the place to be. The working hours seem much more reasonable than those of our fellow grads in the UK, and even though the living costs are similar to London, the size of the city means no one is commuting for hours on end to make ends meet, making it more sociable.

"The work/life balance is a big draw for many, and the opportunities presented by so many companies moving headquarters to Ireland," she continued. Indeed, Ireland is the most popular destination for businesses relocating in a post-Brexit world, according to a recent report.

She said she was not "in the slightest bit surprised" by the fact that British people are increasingly buying properties in Ireland. "Even though Dublin has very high rent – I'm still searching for a house – this seems abnormal and not representative of Ireland. Knowing how many people have moved here, the average wage and what the costs are like compared to the UK, it seems a reasonable decision. The rental market is insane, but the housing market doesn't seem to be anywhere near as inflated as that of the UK."

Isabella would encourage other young British people to "keep their options open" and consider Ireland, among other countries, if they're in employment and disillusioned by the idea of living in Brexit Britain. "I'd encourage young people to travel for work as far as possible, to discover new cities and really understand what it's like to go somewhere that's not home. It's an exciting change, and something people should be encouraged to consider, especially as travelling abroad for work may get considerably more difficult in the following years."

*Name has been changed

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Gay conversion therapy is a recurring topic worldwide. In the UK, it was recently announced that the government plans to ban the practice as part of an initiative to improve the lives of those in the LGBTQ community. The decision comes after a national survey of LGBTQ people revealed that 2% of respondents had experienced conversion therapy while 5% had been offered it. In a statement, Prime Minister Theresa May said: "For anyone who is LGBT, or has a family member or friend who is, these results will be sadly recognisable."

Desiree Akhavan’s 2018 film The Miseducation of Cameron Post explores the absurdity of "conversion" programmes and the effects they can have on participants. In the US, an estimated 698,000 adults have received conversion therapy, 350,000 of whom as adolescents, according to a study by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law.

Talking therapy is the most typical form of conversion therapy, but is still detrimental to a person’s mental health. Reverend Sally Hitchiner from Diverse Church, who works with over 1,000 people in the UK recovering from such practices, said: "If they don’t discover us, they often become suicidal. They realise they can’t change their sexuality so they feel like they might as well end their life."

Twenty-seven-year-old Shulli, a consultant from London, attended one-on-one gay conversion therapy earlier in her 20s. Judi Price, a 56-year-old photographer and physician's assistant from Kansas, attended a religious therapy programme as a young adult. Here both women tell Refinery29 their stories.

Shulli, 27, London

I first came out to my mum over dinner while on holiday when I was 11. I thought I was just telling her who I fancied as I didn’t get the concept of gay and straight. As I was so young, we both brushed it off and we didn’t really speak about it again. I came out again at 18 and then properly in my early 20s.

Both my parents were really shocked because we didn’t know anyone who was gay. Despite this, they were quite supportive, though they were concerned about what this would mean for my future. Though the Jewish community is not averse to homosexuality, I personally felt as if I were sinning. I had heard rumours that people had turned straight so I thought it would be best for me to do the same.

I got in touch with some really conservative Rabbis and that’s how I got introduced to gay conversion therapy. I took a year out of university and went to weekly sessions with an expensive therapist, which I funded with the money I made over the summer.

My therapy started with them looking for the 'cause' of my gayness. They blamed low self-esteem, my relationship with my parents and childhood trauma. I desperately tried to find out about any abuse from my past, thinking I may have blocked it out of my mind. But this just didn’t seem to be the case. When this didn’t work, they used scare tactics.

They told me being gay was all about sex and partying. I was led to believe I wouldn’t be able to be in a loving relationship with marriage and kids.

They told me being gay was all about sex and partying. I was led to believe I wouldn’t be able to obtain a loving relationship with marriage and kids. They later told me it could be as a result of something I had done in my past life, so we did a past life regression, which was a form of meditation where we looked for something that may have caused me to be gay. I couldn’t see anything so I just made it up when asked about it. Of course that didn’t work, so I grew frustrated.

After considerable time had passed, I eventually told my therapist I didn’t trust him. I felt as if I’d gone the extra mile and it still wasn’t working. I’d even ask for homework and block out any thoughts that went against what I was learning, but I still felt no difference. I asked him to introduce me to someone it had worked on if we were to continue. This took him six months – in the meantime I had to continue paying for my sessions. I asked the girl they brought if she could kiss or have sex with someone of the opposite sex, to which her answer was no. She was clearly not straight so I stopped the therapy.

The idea of a test is prevalent within all religious groups that are trying to stop people from being gay. They say most people don’t know what their life test is but you’re lucky enough to know it. It scares you out of leaving therapy as you don’t want to be a failure. I finally managed to, but it wasn’t easy. Thinking about trying not to be gay all day, every day, was exhausting. I’d randomly burst out crying so eventually my dad begged me to stop.

As a result of the therapy, I now find it hard to trust people, especially those in positions of power.

Judi, 56, Kansas

In my third year studying a degree in biology and chemistry at MidAmerica Nazarene University, near Kansas City, my friend Stephanie and I kissed. Despite being attracted to her, I didn’t realise I was gay at the time. I had no gay role models and homosexuality was never mentioned in church. For me, kissing didn’t feel sexual, but once it intensified, I could no longer justify our relationship as a friendship. I felt guilty and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, so I broke it off.

After Stephanie, I dated more women, but it was always the same narrative: I’d date them and my faith would get in the way. It was a terrible feeling because I really liked these women and it was incomprehensible to them why we were breaking up. But for me, I thought being gay meant I was going to hell, so it wasn’t a choice.

The speakers emphasised that being gay was mental and, thus, changeable.

One year, when the usual guilt occurred, the girl I was dating convinced me to talk to a pastor. He offered to pay for me to go to a seminar. The conference was for people who were 'sexually broken' so sex addicts also attended. The speakers emphasised that being gay was mental and, thus, changeable. At the time, I despised being this way because it was painful to meet someone I wanted to date, but not be able to.

I searched for ex-gay groups in my area and found one with a live-in programme for men, and weekly group therapy sessions and bible studies for those who could not or chose not to do the live-in programme. It was very similar to drug rehab. They emphasised that the feelings we had were unnatural and were impulses akin to having an alcohol addiction. They explained that being gay was a byproduct of negative life experiences, such as being sexually assaulted, or as a result of negative relationships with same sex parents. I had a bad relationship with my mother, who physically abused me as a child, so I strongly believed this to be the reason.

I dedicated myself to getting out of this mindset with the group for almost three years and prayed ardently about not being gay. But it never happened. I became frustrated once I established the conversion wasn’t working. I realised that not only could I never date women because of my beliefs but neither could I date men.

I eventually realised the group was a lie and left to join a gay positive church, but the road to accepting my sexuality was not easy. In that time period, I would've killed myself if it weren’t for my will to live. I have a very strong family history of depression and suicide, so I was determined not to be another one. I did know queer people who had killed themselves so for me, gay conversion therapy is not just a social issue, it's a life and death issue.

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Americans are heading to the polls today for the important midterm elections and over on Twitter, former Celebrity Apprentice host, Trump University founder, and sitting President of the United States Donald Trump continues to make his thoughts on the upcoming election known.

It's a pivotal time for our country, which — since the Home Alone 2 cameo-haver took office — has seen white nationalists storm the University of Virginia, countless shooting massacres, and one controversial Supreme Court nominee confirmed. Here are a few of the most jaw drooping tweets from President Trump himself...

October 31, 2018

It is outrageous what the Democrats are doing to our Country. Vote Republican now! https://t.co/0pWiwCHGbh pic.twitter.com/2crea9HF7G

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 31, 2018

Trump tweeted this message in association with an ad about Luis Bracamontes, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico who was convicted of murder. In the 30-second spot is a claim that Democrats let Bracamontes into the country "and let him stay." According to the New York Times, Bracamontes was deported by President Bill Clinton(a Democrat) and again by the George W. Bush administration. In addition to presenting a patently false claim, the ad was criticised for racism and drew comparisons to the 1988 Willie Hortan ad.

November 3, 2018

Rumor has it that Senator Joe Donnelly of Indiana is paying for Facebook ads for his so-called opponent on the libertarian ticket. Donnelly is trying to steal the election? Isn’t that what Russia did!?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 3, 2018

Trump won the 2016 election which he refers to as "stolen" in his tweet.

November 2, 2018

pic.twitter.com/nk2vKvHuaL

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 2, 2018

Trump tweets a photo inserting himself into Game of Thrones lore.

"Sanctions are coming," Trump shares, perhaps not getting far enough into GoT to know that "winter is coming" was...not a good thing.

October 27, 2018

Watching the Dodgers/Red Sox final innings. It is amazing how a manager takes out a pitcher who is loose & dominating through almost 7 innings, Rich Hill of Dodgers, and brings in nervous reliever(s) who get shellacked. 4 run lead gone. Managers do it all the time, big mistake!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2018

Trump tweeted this pre-election sports analysis the evening following the anti-Semitic mass shooting at the Tree of Life synagogue.

October 26, 2018

Twitter has removed many people from my account and, more importantly, they have seemingly done something that makes it much harder to join - they have stifled growth to a point where it is obvious to all. A few weeks ago it was a Rocket Ship, now it is a Blimp! Total Bias?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 26, 2018

Trump tweets about his Twitter followers plateauing, despite having over 55 million followers.

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The number of people reported missing in London has skyrocketed in the last 10 years, with the capital's police force last month describing the figure as "absolutely unsustainable". About 55,000 people go missing each year in London – a 72% increase on a decade ago – and while most (80%) people return or are found within 24 hours, what happens to the remaining 20% is less certain.

When a person is reported missing they are labelled as low, medium or high risk, with someone whose disappearance is out of character receiving a higher classification. There's a multitude of reasons why someone might go missing but according to the Missing Persons Bureau, the most common explanations for an adult to vanish are home stresses, relationship and financial problems.

Thirty-year-old Georgina Gharsallah left her mother's house in Worthing, West Sussex, on the morning of 7th March this year and is yet to return. The last sighting of Georgina, whose 31st birthday was last month, was recorded on CCTV at a local mobile phone shop, and it's now been seven months since she was last in touch with family and friends. The police describe Georgina as white, 5ft 4in, with shoulder-length dark hair and a piercing above her lip. To the people who love her she is a gregarious, devoted daughter, sister and friend. Ahead, Georgina's mother, Andrea, shares her story with Refinery29.

I last saw George, as we call her, downstairs at home on the morning of 7th March. She was sitting on the floor doing her hair and I was getting ready for work. It must've been half seven or quarter to eight. She said she had some things to do in town: to go to the job centre, and her phone wasn’t working so I gave her mine to get a sim card for, which is where the story of her being in a phone shop came from. And that was it. She asked me for a couple of pounds, said "See you later" and that was the last time I spoke to and saw her.

It didn’t surprise me when she wasn't there that evening because she’d recently split up with her boyfriend – so had come back to live with me a month before – and had spent most of the previous week at his house. I didn’t think anything of it for a couple of days. I’d sent her messages, but Georgina is the type of girl to send you messages in the middle of the night, and when I didn’t hear back we all just assumed she was at his house. That’s how my daughters and I saw it – it didn’t come into my mind that she was missing or that anything had happened to her. Each day we’d casually ask each other, "Have you heard from George?" but we didn’t think anything of it.

It wasn’t until five or six days [since she was last seen] that her boyfriend contacted me and asked if I’d heard from her. I said "No, I thought she was with you". He said he hadn’t seen her for 10 days. I didn’t really know what to say. My initial thought was that maybe she’d met someone else. She has lots of friends and ex-boyfriends who she's still friends with, and will sometimes have drinks with. That's normal for her, so I just thought she’d done that. I knew they hadn’t had a good month, having split up, so I didn’t know what to say to him.

By the time we reported it to the police it had been 10 days since she went missing. We said we’d leave it until the weekend to report in case she turned up, and then when she didn’t we thought something wasn’t right, we’d left it long enough. Now, I regret leaving it as long, because they say the sooner you report it [the more chance of them being found]. We were in touch with the police a lot in the first four to five months but after about six months it became less frequent.

We'd email the police and they'd say they would contact us if they had anything new. Even if they didn't have anything, they should have been updating us regularly. After six months they gave us a family liaison officer. The police said we were taking up too much of the team’s time by emailing – but it was three or four emails a week. I thought the family liaison officer would be easier to contact but it was harder because there were two of them and their shifts were unpredictable.

People say, 'Maybe she just went off and decided she wants a new life', but I don’t believe that.

Seven months on and there are no new leads – nothing at all. The search is at a complete standstill – it’s like we’re at a brick wall and there’s nothing. We haven’t had any CCTV sightings since the last day she went missing. When she came out of that shop she turned right and was never seen again. Somebody would have seen her, surely, but I’ve put out so many posters and Facebook messages now, and nobody has. A few people have been in touch but it turned out not to be what they thought.

Georgina is really friendly and outgoing but also has anxiety issues. Sometimes she didn’t like going out by herself but she’s very outgoing too, especially if she’s had a drink – she’ll make friends and talk to anybody. That’s what worries me, because I know how friendly and personable she is. She accumulates friends wherever she goes. She’s quite excitable, too – once she gets something in her mind she’ll keep on and on about it. I’m close with all of my daughters. That’s why I find it so hard. People say, "Maybe she just went off and decided she wants a new life", but I don’t believe that. Her safety is the most important thing to me – I just want to know she’s safe and tell her how much we miss her and love her.

I’m not sleeping very well. I’m constantly thinking, all day and all night. I think about it during the day when I’m at work. I’m always thinking about other ways we could find her, where else we could put posters and where else we could send the police. It’s a mother’s drive of thinking What else can I do? I used to run quite a lot, marathons, and I’ve dropped out of so many that as the months go on I think I can’t do that, I hardly run now. Instead, I’m putting up posters and doing interviews. I feel guilty for doing anything else – when my other daughter asked me out for dinner I thought I shouldn’t be having a nice time because I don’t know where Georgina is. That’s how it is – it’s taken over my whole life.

People always say to us, "Fingers crossed she’ll be home soon" but what a stupid thing to say. We don’t know what’s happened to her, she might not even be alive. Or they’ll say, "Hopefully you get some news soon" – it’s all very blasé. They’ll say to me, "Maybe she was just fed up with life and decided she wanted a change" or "She’s 30, she’s an adult and can make up her own mind". I just say, "She’s my daughter and I won’t stop looking until I know she’s safe". I don’t think many people understand what it’s like – you can’t unless you’ve experienced it yourself.

To me now, every missing person counts – I didn’t think about it before that much. It’s not until you’re involved in a missing person case yourself that you really feel it. It doesn’t matter about their background or anything – they’re missing regardless of whatever they do or whatever they’ve done. That’s an important message for everybody. Everybody deserves to be found or looked for, at least.

Missing People is an independent charity and a lifeline to the 250,000 people who go missing each year in the UK, and to their families and friends left behind. With support from partners including players of People’s Postcode Lottery, it operates a free and confidential 24-hour helpline providing advice and guidance to anybody who is missing or away from home, as well as practical and emotional support to those dealing with the heartbreak of missing a loved one.

Anyone affected by the issue can call the helpline on 116000.

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