Unless you're new to this scene, you might have noticed that Money Diaries have been making a very regular appearance on R29 US recently. Since January, they've been publishing Money Diaries daily, which hopefully tops you up after you're done reading the UK version.
Because no Money Diary reading experience is complete without input from the MD Commentariat, we're sharing some of the US comments that have made us laugh, smile, or reflect. Feel free to share your favourite Money Diaries moments, too, in the comments.
Our goal is to give you a wider sense of how diarists across the country — and across the world — are spending, saving, splurging, or just dipping their toe into their finances for the very first time. So, keep reading, keep submitting — and keep commenting.
In this recent Money Diary, a 38-year-old communications associate in New Hampshire with a joint household income of $98,000 wrote on Day One that she was "broke as a joke," despite having been paid the day before.
At this, FabulousBacon immediately hopped into the comments to say how relatable she found this to be and to thank the OP:
"Stopped reading to say this is already the most realistic MD probably ever posted. THANK YOU."
This received nearly 300 likes and inspired a chain of responses about payday, the consensus being that it's normal to count down the days until payday and that there's no shame in doing so.
Added DaringBacon, "I check my bank account DAILY even on non-paydays because if something comes out, I want to know. I literally make sure every single account has a .00 balance at the end (I transfer the difference onto my line of credit for micropayments), so I always know at a glance if my balance has changed."
This interior design production manager in Los Angeles, CA, wrote one of our most popular Money Diaries of the summer. In her diary, the OP said she "used to fully subscribe to the idea that [she] could buy away the sad" when it came to spending money, but that when she turned 27, she took a hard look at her spending habits and made a change. This sentiment resonated with many readers, like BelliniMarg, who said:
"This line hit me like a bag of bricks because I didn't want to admit it but this is exactly what I've been doing."
DaringJava chimed in: "OP, your thinking regarding shopping to make yourself feel better and learning to recognise that sounds a lot like me. I'm not perfect, but I've gotten much better over the last few years in that regard. And I am a firm believer when it comes to big purchases or items that I want but can't afford at the moment that if they are meant for me to have then they will still be there when I can afford them."
The OP replied: "Totally agree. I still have to fight this recurring thought that if I just buy this ONE thing, I'll be happier, my life will be better, I'll be the girl I always wanted to be, etc. It took awhile for me to own up and look at what's actually causing that unhappiness (mainly not feeling confident in my career path). I've had to refocus my energy on fixing those issues, not covering them up by earning VIB status at Sephora. Good luck to ya!"
In a Money Diary of an expat living on a nearly $1 million combined salary in Singapore, one commenter — a "born and bred" Singaporean — shared their experience of the country, lest people's views skew too far in one direction.
"Not everyone in Singapore lives that way, nor are all things as expensive as it's made out to be," they wrote.
"Just to give some perspective, my husband and I run a small business and average a yearly salary of SGD30,000 together, which is comparatively low relative to our friends in mid-level positions now or what we were drawing before leaving our corporate jobs."
One of the ways they "keep things affordable" as self-described foodies who "cook almost daily and eat out quite a bit" is shopping at small stalls for groceries, or smaller-scale supermarkets. "There are also wet markets or Mustafa (Google it!), and initiatives by some retailers that donate excess organic veg at community fridges where I live."
"We own our home and chose to stay at a neighbourhood which is 25 mins to town/CBD via public transport, which is what locals consider far," the commenter continued. "I wouldn't say the way we live is typically what other people of our age group do, but I can say we do enjoy a good quality of life. And no, we do not have rich parents or relatives. We wish!"
Another commenter generated an interesting discussion about the impact an influx of people moving into a different area can have on another area. In the Money Diary, the OP wrote about Californians who "keep 'discovering' the cheap cost of living in Boise, buying property, and driving our costs up!"
"Sorry, CA – I love you," she said, "but you can go home after you visit!" In response to this, commenter FreshCash said: "Fellow Idahoan, former Californian here. I wonder if you're from Boise originally? It's become really popular to hate on the Californians moving here."
The Money Diarist admitted that she is not originally from Boise either, and was glad to be "called out" on the view.
"I wrote this a while ago when my boyfriend had recently bought the house so I think I was just coming at it from the perspective of our previous rental property shooting up drastically and our real estate agent blaming it on 'The Californians,'" she wrote. "I think people have recently been having that 'I found this place first when it was cheap!' mentality and then put a lot of blame on other people who are looking for the exact same things we came here for, which simultaneously drives up costs."
This Money Diary of a 21-year-old software engineer earning $260,000 a year in Berkeley, CA, drew many comments lauding the OP for being a hard worker and high earner at such a young age. In response to a commenter who asked how she landed her job and salary, the OP stressed the importance of negotiation:
"I had a couple of software engineering internships at big companies while I was in school, so I definitely felt more prepared when I went out and interviewed for full-time jobs. My salary at this job was actually about $10,000 lower when they first made me an offer, but I negotiated and was able to get it up to where it is now. Negotiate ladies! There is free money being left on the table!"
This diarist — a film and TV head of development working in Los Angeles, CA — flirted with a D-list actor at an industry party, treated herself to a FabFitFun box, and made us laugh over a TV show pitch about ghost sex. But she also took some heat in the comments for some of her choices, both financial and extracurricular. The OP jumped in with a comment that resonated with many readers:
"I chose to do a Money Diary because I was genuinely intrigued to see if I could keep track of how I eat and spend, knowing that I'm indulgent. What I'm taking away from this is the fact I was 100% honest. About not working out. About indulging in a martini or two glasses of wine after work. About taking Advil for my period. Comments judging the fact I take Advil, or make a lot of money at a young age, or drink too much...it's SURREAL to read comments about yourself. I'm glad I did this, because I can't believe I spent this much money, drank this much, and swore this much (according to everyone), but the best way to grow is from the inside out...no one else can be my teacher! If you enjoyed this, thank you. If you think I'm miserable, byeeeeeee :)."
In this Money Diary, we met a case manager from Spartanburg, SC, who works a full-time job, drives for Uber during her off hours, and takes care of her husband, who can't work due to his immigration status. While many commended her hustle, many more focused instead on her frequent trips to McDonald's, criticising her dietary choices. This commenter, however, offered OP compassion and encouraged her to take better care of herself:
"Girl, you could use a little self-care in your life. I realise everyone is jumping down your throat about your diet, but I see it as a symptom of a larger problem: that you're not a priority in your own life. You're headed towards burn out – the high anxiety/stress, daily fast food, multiple jobs, intense pressure [over] your husband's immigration status, and what sounds like not a lot of time to yourself is going to hit you hard one of these days. Please be careful, because it's so easy for you to stay at the bottom of the list. And you're not a terrible wife. You're busting your ass, that much is clear, and it sounds like you don't have as much self-confidence as you should," said Rsawinvaughn.
In this diary, a 23-year-old working in real estate applied to a new job she admitted feeling "vastly under-qualified" for. Several commenters identified with this feeling of not checking off all the necessary boxes, and jumped in to offer words of encouragement. Our favourite comment, from Slick Drink:
"I am so glad you applied for that job! I work in recruiting and there's almost always more flexibility in job requirements than people realise. Plus, my anecdotal experience definitely supports the research that says women are less likely to apply for stretch roles than men. You're probably more qualified than you realise and in 95% of cases, you have nothing to lose by throwing your name in."
This Money Diary of a new mom in Long Beach, California easing back into work post-baby drew a lot of comments about her work-life balance. Several commenters rushed to defend her work ethic, noting that on International Women's Day, of all days, we should be lifting up other women instead of knocking them down. This sparked a productive conversation about the way we talk about career and the realities of returning to work after maternity leave.
"What on earth is everyone’s obsession with how hard or not hard another woman works? It’s a shame that Americans have such an unhealthy addiction to working themselves to the bone – we wear it like it’s some kind of badge of honour. Yes, working and earning an honest wage, following your dreams, providing for your family – all of these things are wonderful, but shouldn’t life also be about balance? Shouldn’t we seize a few opportunities to relax and have fun here and there? This woman has figured out a situation that works for her, and she’s earned a director’s title along the way. The real problem in this country is that not all women have the opportunity to have such a balance and many don’t even have proper maternity leave – that’s the thing we should all really be angry about, not one woman taking advantage of her situation to enjoy her kid and ease back into work." said Cosmic Drink.
When this diarist shared that she'd recently found out her boyfriend of two years had been cheating on her, and that, to make matters worse, they still worked in the same office building post-breakup, several Money Diaries commenters jumped in to offer her kind words of support, encouragement, and wisdom. Our favourite, written by Magic Martini:
"Oh, hun. Breakups due to cheating are quite possibly the worst ones. Most of us have been through it and understand the pain (myself included). It will get better, it just takes a little time. It's good to lean on your family and friends until then. And one day, you're going to find someone who'll chase away every memory of a loser who clearly never deserved you in the first place. Not that it may make a difference, coming from a stranger on the Internet, but from reading your diary, you seem like a lovely girl who's got her act completely together. I promise you that your ex will be rueing the day he lost you for many years to come."
"The real entertainment of this series is reading all these rude a$$ comments and then complaining to myself about it. LOL."
Let's start out with Toru9, who aptly addressed the elephant in the room in this diary from March, with a New York City-based content editor making $50,000 per year: The comment section can take on a life of its own.
We do plan to continue moderating the comments and making sure that it's a safe space for people to share their (non abusive!) views. We also love the community that has formed, and we want it to keep going! Thanks for being part of that.
" Don't sign any contract just because person pitching it to you seems like a nice lady and you just want to make her happy. Ugh, this is something I am constantly learning. I never want to disappoint people and that can lead to some seriously unnecessary spending," JustinaMoniz wrote in March, in response to our Austin, Texas diarist — an editor working in environmental consulting who makes $35,000 per year.
It seems silly, but pressure to spend can come from people you don't even know, often because saying "yes" can feel nicer than saying "no." The problem is one that a lot of people, particularly women, face.
"As the daughter of a single mom, I commend you on everything and every choice you are making. Your choices are valid, we don't know your life, and your kid is loved and protected. I ate junk bc my mom worked long hours to give me the life I wanted. Guess what happened to this non vegan child?
"Ivy League graduate living in Europe, worked at 9 huge media companies as an intern before graduating - a brag not on behalf of me but on behalf of my MOM who made choices as she saw fit. You go girl," Heroic Java wrote in March.
In this New York City entry, a financial coordinator making $43,000 per year wrote about her dating struggles (constantly paying for cabs) and life as a single parent (who receives very little child support). While some commenters were quick to criticise the meals that the diarist's son ate during the week, Heroic Java had a different, insightful take, which we appreciated.
The vast majority of commenters fell head over heels for this diarist (or O.P. — original poster, in Money Diaries-speak) — a nonprofit strategist living in Alaska and making close to $89,500 a year.
The diarist is an avid fisher and reader, who mentioned being on the lookout for wandering moose, something many readers found fascinating.
"Shhh, nooo. I'm just going to pretend O.P. is out with a bag of carrots to feed them like Sven in Frozen, who's a reindeer, but I'm also going to ignore that part and pretend like it's the same thing," Magical Prairie wrote.
In this diary, a social media marketing manager living in Berlin and making roughly $42,600 per year chronicled her housing search, as she hunted for a short-term studio to share with her girlfriend.
Finding a place to live is hard enough without doing it in an unfamiliar location, where you don't speak the language, and aren't 100% sure of the customs. This comment zoomed in on that stress with great advice.
"Hey, great diary. Quick hot tip regarding your landlord - I lived in Brussels for 2 years and had a similar experience with my landlord and was afraid of losing my deposit. Berlin has such a huge expat community so hopefully there are legal documents on renters' rights available online in English.
"Educate yourself and don't be afraid to stand up for your rights! Ask any local friends and/coworkers about anything that feels unfair or iffy. I didn't speak French well enough to advocate for myself so I asked a Belgian friend to be present and he was [not only] able to not properly converse, but knew what was 'normal' in Belgium and how the landlord was trying to take advantage. Good luck!" wrote Heroic Drink.
"[When] I was in high school, cell phones were new, basically useless, and weren't as "necessary" as they are now, so my parents made me pay for it myself. Also, family plans didn't exist when I got my first cell phone. Once the precedent was set that I paid for it myself, there was no going back.
"On the other hand, I'm pretty sure my high school aged nieces will never see a cell phone bill in their lives," Peaceful Avocado wrote in March.
After reading this Los Angeles diary from a biomedical research analyst making $56,000 per year, Money Diaries commenters started an interesting discussion about the evolution of cell phone ownership — and, more pointedly, who pays for it. It's safe to say that most diarists are on some form of a family plan, either paying their fair share or, in some cases, having a parent or relative handle it, while they take on another expense.
Whether that indicates freeloading or ease seems to be a generational judgment.
" I leave work and have to decide which house to go to — mine or my boyfriend's. I haven't seen him in a few days, but I'm so tired after the long workday, and I'd like to go to my work out tomorrow. He's not happy about it, but I'm trying to get better at standing my ground with things like this. THIS x 1000.
"Happy to hear this is something other people grapple with in a relationship. Sometimes you just want your own damn bed even if you love your S.O. to the moon and back. Good for you!" wrote mememememememem.
In this diary from a Salt Lake City auditor (who spent a significant amount of money on car trouble), the diarist discussed her decision to sleep in her own bed — instead of her boyfriend's — after a long day. We thought the moment was refreshing and honest, too, and were happy to see that others felt the same way.
Want to avoid paying for a drink just to use the bathroom? Keep calm and look like you know what you're doing. Here's some good advice from Heroic Wine in the comments section of this diary from a New York City financial analyst making $90,000 per year:
"When I worked in a restaurant, people would come in all the time just to use the bathroom. And what the hell am I gonna do chase them down and drag them out? No. Lol. Nobody's gonna stop you if you go in quickly and leave quickly. Just don't poop all over the walls."
Many commenters were surprised about the grueling schedule described by this diarist, a pediatric fellow living on the Upper East Side of New York City and making roughly $76,600 a year. However, some commenters, like Daring Shoe, could relate firsthand.
"As a doctor now in practice this is SO real. No time, stressed, not eating or cooking. This is sacrifice we all go through. Reform is needed. Prevent physician burnout."
Some diaries inspire a lot of envy from readers; others generate a lot of criticism. This diarist, a multimedia manager making roughly $75,500 per year inspired both in the best possible ways.
The system she created for herself to manage her finances was a hit among readers, but so was her dedication to taking care of her health.
"I started this diary desperately wishing I had a job that started at 10:15 (I'd work out every morning! I'd sleep three more hours!) and then ended it feeling really grateful that I don't have chronic joint pain with my autoimmune disease," wrote Daring Watermelon. "Props for being proactive about your overall health, and not letting the paperwork/insurance complications scare you out of it!"
It's not every day that we hear from diarists in the startup trenches. That's probably why this one, from a San Francisco-based diarist making $17,500 per year, inspired so many of our readers, or resonated with fellow entrepreneurs.
"Yes! As a fellow freelancer/entrepreneur, it's great to read about other people's money diaries. We hear so much about these stories after people have made it big, but it's comforting to hear from someone who's just as deep in the trenches as I am. It's tough but I feel so much stronger knowing there are others fighting in the same spot," Hi_Lemon5 wrote. Hear, hear!
Money Diaries is a chance to learn the nitty-gritty financial details most people don't share every day. Salary? Check! Loan payments? Check! Credit card debt? It's all there for the world to read.
But why do we still feel so uncomfortable talking about our finances? It's hard to learn how to manage money if you're not talking about it in the first place.
We want to know: Who do you talk to about money? Your parents? Your partner? Your best friend? And how much info do you feel comfortable sharing? Tell us, and we'll publish the best responses in an upcoming story on Refinery29!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
13 Ways To Enjoy Living In London Without Going Broke
These Are The Most Affordable London Boroughs For Renters
The Kavanaugh News Is Triggering AF — Especially For Women In Media