Men are "useless" before they hit 33, according to Jennifer Lopez, who made the claim in a recent episode of Tinder's "Swipe Sessions " series. The 48-year-old was enlisted to help a 29-year-old country singer, Brooke, sort out the wheat from the chaff on the dating app and find her a man who looked like he could "chop wood".
Lopez knows a thing or two about love and dating, she's been married three times and dated both older and younger men (including 24-year-old Casper Smart) and seems to revel in left-swiping for someone else. The guy who doesn't keep ketchup in the fridge? Hell no. And she's just as ruthless when it comes to age.
When a potential suitor for Brooke – a 29-year-old named Maurice – pops up on the app, she says: “Guys, until they’re 33, are really useless.” She may have only intended it as a throwaway comment, but it's got people talking and even relationship experts have waded in. New-York based Dr Jane Greer said Lopez has a point, telling Business Insider "it can take men into their early 30s to establish their professional career and feel a sense of financial stability," and it's often not until their early 30s that men are ready for marriage.
It may be a cliché to say that men mature at a slower rate than women, but many men seem to agree with J-Lo. Refinery29 UK asked six 33-year-old men if they feel any less useless than in their younger years.
Mikey McCartney, general manager of Holborn Studios, a photographic studio and bar in Hackney.
"I think it's the nicest thing I’ve heard this year – the thought that you're just coming into your own is a great way to stave off the niggling thoughts that your best years are behind you. I agree with her too – I was an absolute idiot until very recent years. I feel as useless as ever, but at least I'm more acutely aware of my shortfalls."
Christopher Williams, a former restaurant manager in Doncaster whose children came to live with him 18 months ago.
"I think J-Lo is correct. The need for continuity in [my kids' lives] helped me snap out of certain behaviours that happen in busy restaurants, like not going to sleep until 7 or 8am. I was on self destruct. My best mate is a year older with no kids or responsibilities so is carrying on like I was, acting like a teenager. Granted he works, but he plays harder.
"I can no longer do that and I’m happier for it. On the subject of 'uselessness', I used to be a very hands-off parent, and the most useful thing was to quit and think of the children and now they're thriving. We need a purpose and responsibilities to snap us out of that young person lifestyle."
Elliott Michael Rubin, a land surveyor in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, USA.
"I can definitely see her point. Three years ago I began working in what is now my career instead of just a job, and the position arose from a combination of skills and education from my teens to my late 20s and my life experience up until then. My financial life and career only began to take shape at 29, and I asked my long-time girlfriend to marry me around age 30.
"I don't feel useless. I’m the same age as LeBron James and Cristiano Ronaldo, so the extreme examples of what can be done physically at 33 are reassuring. My job is physically demanding, and I spend a lot of time working out to mitigate the damage of partying and ignoring my health as a younger man. Mentally? I’m stronger and more experienced than ever, and feel confident in my abilities. I do have days when I feel like the world has passed me by, but playing competitive video games and holding my own against the youth athletically reminds me that I'm far from the finish line."
Nils-Hennes Stear, a philosopher from Havant in Hampshire.
"J-Lo’s claim is obviously false. Men are useless only until they turn 32 and seven months. In all seriousness, I’d like to see her reiterate the claim when eyeball to eyeball with a man suffering an horrendous terminal illness that gives him until his 20s to live. But yeah, most men (and people generally) are pretty immature for most of their lives and so it follows deductively that they are so before they turn 33.
"Having recently undergone a vasectomy after fathering three children, I feel decidedly more useless having turned 33 (the vasectomy wasn’t my birthday gift). Now that I can’t procreate, all I can do is write philosophy, which is about as useless an enterprise as one can hope to undertake."
Gordon Menzies, who works at an emergency call centre for a plumbing, gas and electricity company in Glasgow, Scotland.
"The headline made me laugh but she'll get away with making an ill-advised comment because she's famous. With the number of young people suffering from mental health issues and the suicide rate being so high, is calling young men useless really a fun thing to be saying?
"Everyone goes through stages of feeling useless, or feeling stuck in a job or relationship that they can't see a way out of. I'm relatively happy with my life and have good family and friends around me. The only thing that's changed is that I don't care about the little bouts of inadequacy. I've accepted my faults and work on fixing them.
"I mostly feel useless when I'm in a relationship and unable to keep it going long term. As for useful, I'm probably the most experienced person at work and people come to me for help. But mostly, I feel useful when I'm around my nephew. I don't take myself too seriously and will happily do pretty much any activity the wee guy wants to do – with the weather being good recently (a rarity in Scotland) I've lost count the number of water fights and trips to parks. It always puts a smile on my face when he's telling my brother how much fun he's had. The small things in life are what's important."
Dan Forrister, a wholesaler in Cheshire.
"I disagree with Jenny from the Block's opinion that all men are useless before 33. Do I feel any less useless now than I did before? Not really, I feel the same as I did at 32 and no doubt will feel the same at 34. I possibly learned more in my mid twenties through working and interacting with other people in my various jobs. Over the years I've developed my own interests outside of my job, and having something you're passionate about outside of the work makes you an altogether more well-rounded individual. I knew how to change a car tire at 18 and I can still do it now – age has little to do with it.
"The idea that we instantly become useful at 33 is arbitrary. Yes, men will physically mature with age (as will everyone), but mental maturity comes from what you do with those years. You also have to take into account things like class and socio-economic background when looking at how and when people will mature. Jenny's comment doesn't do that."
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